Everyone wants to be loved and being part of a couple is still the societal norm that most people aspire to. In the quest to couple, dating rules are being relaxed and women especially are making some fatal mistakes that are keeping them in the dating pool longer. This article will reveal five of those mistakes.
1. Becoming too Possessive and Expecting Commitment Behavior Before a Commitment is Established.
If you have just met what seems like a great guy and you’ve had three or four dates, please don’t feel like you have the right to question his whereabouts, go through his phone or search his home. That’s too scary! It is a signal to the average man to run. This behavior will make him think you are unstable. Slow it down and learn to control your emotions, because becoming too possessive may end the relationship before it starts.
During this early relationship phase, most guys are just smelling the flowers and trying to decide which one to pick or IF he wants to pick one. Just because he has shown interest in you does not mean that he has forgotten about all the other women in his life. If he begins to feel genuine affection for you, he may indeed delete his little black book, but it could take a while. Thinking that he has immediately given up all his options is naive.
Instead of expecting commitment behavior, use this phase of the relationship to get to know him. Instead of wondering what he does with his days and nights or who he is talking to or texting, I suggest that you focus on getting to know who is in front of you. Determine if he is who he presents himself to be or is he presenting to you a carefully crafted facade, meant to deceive you. You should also focus on keeping your options open and continuing your search for the love you deserve.
Until the two of you have come to a consensus that you want to commit to an exclusive relationship, do not expect a commitment or commitment behavior. Just enjoy the relationship for what it is. Don’t assume that it is a committed relationship when all the signs point to a hook-up or friends with benefits relationship.
You are NOT in a committed relationship until a clear statement of commitment has been expressed and the terms have been mutually agreed upon. It should not be a secret or an implied commitment. If the two of you are in a committed relationship, his friends and family, as well as your own, should be aware of it. Bottom line…only expect commitment behavior when one has not been clearly established.
2. Entering each relationship thinking it will lead to marriage
Each relationship has a reason, season and a lesson attached to it. Some relationships come to teach you things you need to know before you find “the one.” Then, of course, there are those that help you identify what you want and don’t want in a relationship. Still others allow you to work out your childhood dysfunction. And, thankfully, there is a smaller subset of lasting and “till death do you part” relationships sealed by a lifetime commitment and marriage. Before you offer your heart to someone, analyze the relationship and determine what type of relationship it is.
Approach the getting to know you process as if you are entering school on the first day of first grade. You don’t spend your first day of school planning the graduation party or senior prom. There are lessons learned along the way. If you enter first grade with only graduation on your mind you’re going to miss all the snacks, naps, education, plays, summer breaks, getting your first locker in middle school, your first crush, your second crush and your third. You are going to miss getting sent to the principal’s office, pranks, practical jokes, cheerleader and volleyball tryouts, winning the spelling bee and getting all A’s on your report card. There’s a lot of learning that occurs between first grade and graduation and there’s a lot of living, loving and learning between the first date and the wedding date. Let the relationship naturally mature. Think of it as an adventure and if it doesn’t lead to a wedding day, you will have had fun along the way and hopefully some great stories to share.
3. Seeing what you want to see instead of what’s there.
There is an old adage that says, “Hindsight is 20/20.” The goal is to have your love vision be 20/20 not only in hindsight but also from the initial meetings and conversations. 20/20 love vision is accomplished by reading the signs and seeing what’s really there instead of settling for smoke and mirrors and what you want to see.
Chris Rock says that in the beginning of a relationship “you never meet the true person you meet their representative.” You have to amass the skills necessary to see past the representative to the real person. To keep from being hurt over and over again, you must be willing recognize and embrace the facts as they are and not interject your own romantic notations and fairy tales into the situation
Dims Code 